September 19th, 2011, I weighed in at my absolute heaviest. Since high school, I have always weighed around the same chunky amount, but in that last year I had added at least an extra fifteen pounds to my short frame. (In the past, years would go by without me exercising on purpose. At All. Sad I know, but true. I looked forward to junk food and would plan gorge sessions. Also, really sad.) I had just signed up for my first year of ice hockey and didn’t want to be the slowest person on the ice, this mixed with a decade of being unhappy with my appearance and frustrated by the unhealthy bed I had made for myself; I knew I had to make a change to my lifestyle.
I had set the goal for myself to lose 50 pounds within the year; what I thought was a realistic goal that could have been achieved in a healthy manner. I spent the last year attempting to be healthier; making healthier food choices and exercising. As the end of my year timeline hangs on the horizon, I have lost 25 pounds. It has been a constant struggle and while losing 25 pounds IS good, (much better then not losing anything, or even worse, gaining) I have the very bad habit of beating myself up, viewing myself as a failure for not having achieved my ultimate goal.
I have been trying to not to deprive myself, eating healthier but not overeating. Portion control is something I have really had to work on. I still indulge in treats on occasion. I would try to quit my cravings cold turkey and it never worked for me. I would go crazy thinking about my craving, until I would break down and go buy a huge bag of potato chips or a box of cupcakes and eat all of them. I had to make the change to allow myself a controlled portion, get the craving done and over with. It seems to be working. In addition, I now attempt to exercise 5 to 6 times a week, anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending on the workout. 7 times a week proved to be really dumb, I would go about 40 days straight and then not move for 2 weeks in exhaustion. I am now achieving a healthier balance.
There are times where I still eat more then I should; I really like to eat and I hate that hungry feeling. I kept thinking, well if I exercise it’s ok to eat a second helping at dinner or to have that extra snack. That odd circle created a weird plateau that has resulted in me losing inches this summer, but not pounds.
This is not the end. Just because I didn’t make my goal this year, doesn’t mean I will stop. I will keep on. I feel better inside and out, then I have in a long time. My pants are much roomier, I have actually gotten rid of some pants that were way too big and had some taken in. And while I still jiggle, I don’t jiggle as much as I used to. I will one day achieve my goal, maybe in a few months, maybe in another year. Now my goal is to lose ANOTHER 25 pounds. That number actually feels far less daunting then the first goal of 50. Wish me luck!
No comments:
Post a Comment