Week 28

Holy sh*tballs, (I am trying to curb my potty mouth as I will soon have two impressionable young'uns running around.)  I have 3.5 weeks left to work!  I was told by the midwives and the doctor to go off at 31 weeks.  I am currently in week 28.  It’s funny how the summer dragged and I felt it would take an eternity to meet my babies but we are now in the home stretch.  Week 28 is the first week of the third trimester! 

The question I get asked the most at this stage is “How are you feeling?”  The answer is now: super tired and gargantuan. 

I have entered my insomnia stage of pregnancy.  I get exactly four hours of sleep and bam! I have to pee and my brain is wide awake.  It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed at, 9pm, 10pm, 1am, four hours later I am up.  It makes for very long days and I feel like a zombie.  I have to laugh when everyone says “this is your time to sleep before the babies comes.”  Yeah, that hasn’t been working out so well.

I feel huge.  Last time I was at the doctors, he measured my belly and then said “I am suppose to take this measurement, but for your case it’s pointless as you have two babies.”  I said, “For curiosity sake, if I were carrying a singleton, what would I be measuring?”  He chuckled and said “You’d be ready to pop.”  So there you have it, I am the size of a full termed, singleton Mom.  The last three weeks I feel like we (the three of us) have all gone through a huge growth spurt.  We are right on track weight wise, the doctor told me he had never seen such perfect sized twins before, they are the text book size of what a singleton should be.  As twins usually run small, he was impressed and told me I am “feeing them well.”  I have to admit that was a feather in my cap. 

Anything I read for twins stresses how important it is for their weight gain, more so then a singleton.  Currently our daughter is 2 pounds and 7 ounces and our son is 2 pounds and 9 ounces.  I had an ultra sound yesterday and that’s their latest weights.  They are nearly bang on, which is also great for twins.  I have an ultra sound every three weeks as they need to monitor that both babies are growing at some what equal weights.  They don’t want me having a 10 pound baby and a two pound baby.   So we are right on track!

So we got the important stuff out of the way, now let’s proceed to the bitching:

I officially had to buy new bras on the weekend.  I have gone up two cup sizes!  (I hope I get to keep them!)  No one tells you that gargantuan boobies rubbing on a gargantuan belly results in rug burn.  Like excruciating rug burn.  What the hell man?  How is that fair?!?!?!

Everyone kept telling me to wait until you have a foot in the rib, they don’t tell you it’s like someone is stabbing you from the inside.  The pressure on a rib is ridiculous.  If you see me out and about with my hand under my boob, I am trying to rub the kids foot down.  (Which also sucks as I have to rub on the rug burn.)

I am swollen.  I can’t wear my rings.  I can’t fit in my shoes.  I saw the ugliest pair of clogs at Joe Fresh and scoffed, who would wear those?!?!  It will be me with my next pay cheque. 

Trying to get up from the laying down position must be comical to watch as I laugh at my own self, there are arms and legs flailing about like a turtle stuck upside down as I try to propel myself over/up. 

I got stuck on the floor for the first time last week, I was in the middle of the foyer with nothing to grab on to hoist myself up.  Luckily my husband was there and is built like Eric the Red, and he took hold of my arm like I was weightless and I was back on my feet in the blink of an eye.  (I didn’t even have to ask, he just helped me up, he’s awesome)

We signed up with a whole whack of baby courses put on by the Region.  Last week we had our first one, the car seat safety course.  I now live in fear of Kleenex box projectiles, if it’s not bolted down, they say to put it in the trunk, and that is where it will be going.

Eghad!  Where did the time go, I will have to post more later!

Summary of my B*tching

Since July, I think I have been asked "Are you excited?!?!?" About 3000 times. Seriously.

I am excited, I just seem to wince now whenever I am asked that question. I feel like I am in Ground Hog day. Then people look all worried or concerned when I grimace and say yes. I am grimacing as the question is so over used, lol. It's worse when the SAME person asks you it everytime they see you, the answer is still yes! Or at the end of the day when you are tired and have heard the question about 40 times already that day. I don't mind variations like "How exciting!" Or "I am so excited for you!" I apologize to any woman I have asked that question to, especially if I have asked it more then once.

 Funny pregnant related thing said to me today by a female acquaintance. (Like my Mom's age) "How does your husband like your new boobs?" Lol.

I hope I get to keep them.  (I know, I know, everyone keeps telling me that they will be empty sacks sagging down to my knees once these kids are done, but I can hope.)

My co-worker was telling me she could see my daughter's head and my son's head while looking at my belly. As she was staring at my belly from the front and I was looking down, we saw my son's head move forward and then back in. It was really crazy. First time I have SEEN my belly move. And it was so funny as it was like he heard us talking about his head and he was like "Yup, here's my head." When I called Paulie at lunch, he stated "That's the creepiest thing ever." Hahahaha.

Righty did a summersault on my bladder, first time I felt one. Incredibly weird. Actually stopped me in mid-step. Either that or the potatoes I ate for dinner last night fused back together and were rolling around in my intestines.

Sneezing while pregnant has become somewhat of an extreme sport due to my little bundles of joys (aka my lil turd bombers) putting pressure on my bladder and my sciatic nerve. While pregnant, if you feel a sneeze and need to go to the bathroom, don't make any stops along the way, go directly to the washroom. Also, you don't realize your butt cheeks are involved in a sneeze until you get locked up mid step from a sneeze. (Hands down worse sciatic nerve seize up to date)

Etiquette for dealing with a pregnant lady: if you insist on touching her belly (at least be courteous and ASK first) do NOT TOUCH the TOP of the stomach near my boobs. It's the most awkward part of people touching my belly. Touch the sides at the mid-section or the very front of the mid-section.

My sciatic nerve is a fucking bitch. If I could kick its ass I would, however I can't lift my foot to even get in the damned car.

 On a more positive note, I LOVE this weather (Chilli for dinner, what!) And I felt Righty all day long today. Up until today, I only felt Righty kick once (it was very forceful) On another bright note, my husband rocks and has the nursery nearly done. (As I am useless, I painted the window frame and one wall's baseboard before my arse seized up so bad, it took me five minutes to get up off the floor. It'll all be worth it in the end, but seriously, I would take morning sickness a thousand times over the sciatic nerve issue.)

Ongoing conversation between me and my two junk food addict tenants:

 Lefty: Hey Mom! Mom! Mom!

 Me: Yes? Stop laying my bladder please.

 Lefty: Mom, know what sounds really good right now? A McDonald’s Big Mac!

 Righty: OOOOOhhhhh, that sounds good! I want one! I want one!

 Me: How do you guys know what a Big Mac is? I haven’t had one in eight years. You weren’t even conceived yet.

 Righty: We remember when we were eggs, hanging out waiting to be dropped.

 Lefty: Yeah, those were good times.

 Me: Guys. I can’t have McDonald’s, they cook with Soya Bean Oil. I am allergic. For reals. Not even pulling the douchey parent thing and lying about it. I could die. (Not actually, its just a mild allergy, but shhh) And you should be thankful as I would be 700 pounds now if I was still able to eat McDonald’s.

 Lefty: Ahhhhh Mom. Come on.

 Me: No.

 Lefty and Righty: PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

 Me: I said NO.

 Righty: No FAIR!!!!

 Me: Both of you, stop kicking my bladder!

 Lefty and Righty: Big Mac! Big Mac! Big Mac!

 Seriously. This conversation happens multiple times a day. Every day.

August 24: Yesterday, I had a giant kick from Righty. I am now guessing what I have been feeling from Lefty is Lefty's hands poking at my side, because this was a full on powerful kick from Righty. Different intensity. Again my first reaction was "What's going on with my intestines. Never felt that before." Then I remembered it was probably one of my tenants using my insides as a trampoline.

 Foods I am looking forward to eating in January:(avoiding for chance of listeria)

Subway Turkey sub (I told Paulie, on the way home from the hospital we are stopping for subs. The veggie sub is alright and ties me over, but I want the meat! That's what she said)

 Prosciutto (wipes drool from chin)

Pepperoni pizza (seriously, what is pizza without pepperoni??!?? Cheesy bread is what it is)

 A hot dog (a good one. BBQ'd or maybe from the Canadian Tire Vendor, dream big, I know)

Which leads to wieners and beans

Any sandwich/deli meat
(If its ready to eat meat, I am to avoid it. apparently I can eat it if its boiled, who the fuck does that?!?!)

Feta cheese. (Normally, I don't give two shits about Feta, but it was on the list, and then that's all I can think about.)

Blue cheese. (Same as feta, bah)

Apparently pregnant women can have problems with their sciatic nerve. I think my left sciatic nerve is acting up. I feel like my butt cheek is seized up and needs a shot of WD40. Let me tell you, these kids are going to regret pissing me off when they are teenagers. I got my rant ready for them:  I had morning sickness for nine months straight, 24 hours a day; I ended up crippled from my sciatic nerve; I was in labour for a week for each or you; when I went into labour, I had to walk to the hospital, both ways, uphill, in a blizzard, with no shoes on. Now do your homework.

Yes. I have twins in my family on my Dad's side.  They are fraternal, they are not identical (identical means identical DNA, it’s not genetically possible to have true “identical” twins that are a boy and a girl.   

July 25 - Yesterday someone told me I didn't look pregnant, just that I was look like I am gaining weight in my stomach area. I feel like I should be insulted by this? When relaying this to my husband, he replied "Why do you keep talking to stupid people? Just do what I do and don't talk to people." Fair enough.

Not complaining about being pregnant. I am beyond excited. Nobody wants to hear about the rainbows and butterflies in my thoughts.