Somehow, we ended up with five friends who are pregnant this year. Something must be in the water! (And the majority of them are friends from hockey, so be careful drinking/showering in the water at the arena! Lol) Right before I delivered, I had a great friend write me out a helpful list of hints for a first time Mom. She had delivered her gorgeous son six months before hand, so her information was current and very helpful. I wanted to share a list of helpful hints I had received and that I learned along the way.
First and foremost: You will be inundated with “advice”, (ahem…. Like this blog post) my actual only piece of “advice” that I feel the need to tell EVERYONE is “DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.” You can listen to people politely (or tell them to fuck off, this is the one time you probably get a free pass to do so as you are a hormonal pregnant woman/new mom, no one would fault you… or maybe they would, but meh, too bad for them, maybe they shouldn’t have been a douche) and then do what YOU feel is best. You are the Mom (or Dad) and you know what is best.
Here is a (lengthy) list of what I hope are helpful hints:
· Learning What to Do With Baby:
Sign up for any free class you can. The Niagara Region has breast feeding courses, car seat courses and pre natal courses. They are all Free. They are put on by public health nurses and provide you with the most up to date information. DEFINITELY TAKE THE CAR SEAT COURSE!!!
Taking advice from older family members can be helpful, but a lot of research has been done in the last twenty, thirty or forty years. It doesn’t hurt to get up to date information put together by the Region’s doctors, dieticians and safety teams.
Be leery of message boards and odd information sites, stick to reliable sources. Government websites, What to Expect When Your Expecting. But for the love of god, don’t read the messages boards. There is some whacky shit posted out there.
· Stuff for Baby:
It’s so much fun to shop for your baby. I know it’s super hard, but wait until after your shower, as you will gets lots of stuff, and then you can see what you need to fill in where. Every shower is different. I have been to a few showers so far this year and it’s funny how every shower is different. I didn’t receive a lot of clothing for bigger sizes, I was at a shower where the Mom to Be received TONS of outfits all different sizes. I received tons of sleepers, and I was at a shower where the Mom to Be, didn’t receive any. I received two toys, I was at a shower where the Mom to Be must have received 25 baby toys. I don’t know why each one is different, but it’s fun, so wait to see what you get!
My Mom and sisters threw my shower and asked instead of a greeting card for the guests to bring a copy of their favourite book as a card. We now have a huge library of books, that WE LOVE as they were all personally picked for our kids. I LOVE BOOKS. I LOVE TO READ. I can’t wait to pass that love on to my children.
Ask whoever is throwing your shower to have the guests write out their mailing addresses on blank envelopes so it can save you time writing thank you cards. They can even use it for a game, such as drawing for door prizes. When you are as big as a house, and have to pee every two seconds, and the swelling that has taken over your body creates carpal tunnel (yes, this can happen) this will be a lifesaver.
Take it easy on onesies. You will get tons of them for gifts. If you do buy some, I found I always need plain white onesies so the colour doesn’t show under an outfit.
Have some newborn sleepers on hand. My babies were 7lbs 5 ounces and 7lbs 8 ounces. They wore newborn sleepers for well over a month. For some reason, at every baby shower I go to, there is some woman proclaiming why she refuses to buy newborn outfits that “they are only in them for a few weeks, they grown so fast.” Yes. BUT THE BABY NEEDS SOMETHING TO WEAR FOR THOSE FIRST FEW WEEKS.
Check out second hand stores like “Once Upon a Child”. They are dedicated to only baby and children’s clothes. Don’t turn your nose up to second hand. A LOT of the stuff is BRAND NEW. Babies grow so fast, people buy gifts for the wrong age bracket for the wrong time of the year, etc. You can get some beautiful stuff. I bought my mobiles there for $4.50 and they look brand new. Babies can’t touch them so they don’t get gross or slobbered on. Brand new, I couldn’t find a mobile for under $50.
Stock up on diapers. Research prices.
Sign up for ALL FREEBIES. Even if you don’t plan on bottle feeding, it doesn’t hurt to get the formula. You can donate it if you don’t use it. Go toMRSJANUARY.COM (my favourite coupon guru) and click on baby freebies for a full list of all contacts.
Diaper Genie. Get one. If you have a two story house, get two. GET A DIAPER GENIE. (You can also buy them second hand.) I REPEAT YOU NEED A DIAPER GENIE. That shit stinks. Literally. The diaper genie eats the odour, in it’s magical contraption. You will not have time to run outside with every diaper to dump it in the garbage. If you have time to do that, you are super woman. (Look on line for inexpensive ideas to use for the liners)
Get a Swing. Trust me. You need one. Buy it second hand. If you can find an electric one, pounce on it. They are next to impossible to find. Go to Dollarama to buy batteries. $1 for 2 D batteries. Panasonic. FAR CHEAPER and THEY LAST A LONG TIME.
Some people don’t like the idea of a baby sleeping beside their bed. We have our twins in bassinets beside our bed. Huge positive, you don’t have to go far when you are dead tired in the middle of the night.
Check out Ikea: Ikea has GREAT prices for furniture, toys and baby STUFF. I just bought the twins cat rattles, THAT THEY LOVE. Hands down, best price on rattles that I have found.
Also check out Dollarama. They sell Fisher Price toys! Most importantly, those coloured ring chains that are so handy/safe to dangle toys from.
· Getting the House and You Ready for Baby:
Wash all your baby clothes and organize by size.
Wash and sterilize bottles if you choose to use them.
I highly recommend a diaper change station on each level of the house. Set them both up.
If you have pets, ask your vet the best way to help them transition. We started to introduce our dog to the stroller and car seat months in advance. And we rearranged the house a head of time so it was less of an adjustment for them later on. Cats and dogs both have feelings and will be weirded out. It’s best to try and help them with the transition as best you can. We played the sound of a baby crying. We also had my parents introduce a baby blanket with the babies’ scent to our dog before we brought the babies home.
Cook some meals up a head of time. Do your grocery shopping. Keep in mind foods that can be eaten with one hand and last a few months. The healthier the better. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR FREEEZER. Grocery Shopping on a whim won’t happen again for another 10 years. Stock up! Think burgers, chicken burgers, wraps. Foods you can eat with one hand and hold a baby in the other.
Put a stash of granola bars and snacks by any place you may feed at. By your bed, etc. You may not plan to feed in bed, but when it’s 3 am, and you haven’t slept, there is a good chance you will bring that baby to your bed with you. It’s important you stay fueled.
Stock up on feminine products. (Pads. Not tampons.)
Set up personal hygiene spots at each bathroom. Feminine products, changes of underwear, hemorrhoid cream, etc. If you have multiple bathrooms, put this everywhere. And have a tooth brush in every bathroom. Trust me, if you are on one level, you don’t always have time to run to the upstairs to brush your teeth.
Buy hemorrhoid cream. You may be lucky and not need it. But have it on hand in case you do.
When you pack for the hospital. BRING YOUR OWN FEMINE PRODUCTS AND DIAPERS. They only give you so many.
Pack light weight pjs, you will be hot. I was warned a head of time about the hot flashes you get, THEY AREN’T KIDDING!!! They suggest and I did pack for 3 days, and most of the first day I wore a hospital gown. Chances are, you are only there for one day, so don’t go crazy.
PACK YOUR GRANNY PANTIES. Trust me, you won’t be wearing sexy gitch for a good 6 weeks. Don’t have any granny panties? Go buy some, you will need them.
Decide a head of time who you want at the hospital and who you want to allow to visit. We limited visitors to immediate family. Spread the word.
· In the Hospital:
Pick someone, probably your significant other who will stand up for you and vocalize your choices/wishes. Brief them on what you want: silence, to kick out annoying family members, to push for the pain medicine, etc.
TAKE THE PAIN MEDICINE. DON’T BE A HERO. When they say giving birth hurts, they ain’t kidding!
Don’t be too afraid. AS I ranted before, your mother and her mother and all their mothers before it have gone through it. You are amazing and YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
Don’t worry about feelings of doubt. I remember just before I pushed I was watching the nurses rush around and I was thinking “Oh my God. What the hell am I doing? I can’t do this. WTF. I can’t send them back. What the hell business do I have bringing two babies into this world?!?!” Those thoughts lasted about 2 minutes, then I had to get busy to pushing. And you know what? I did it. Right now I have kept two babies fed and alive for over four months. I did it!
Ask the nurses for help. That’s what they are there for. If you get a bitchy nurse, just wait, another one will be along shortly. (Tip: be syrupy nice. A nice nurse who likes you will hook you up with freebies.)
If they give you extra diapers, feminine products, etc, TAKE THEM. They will get you sexy net underwear and the biggest maxi pad known to women. If they give you extra, take them! They have one time use feminine products that have built in ice packs, if you get a nice nurse, ASK FOR EXTRA!!! IF they leave anything in the room, take it with you. They throw anything unused out. It’s considered contaminated. Diapers, formula, personal hygiene products, TAKE THEM HOME!!!
They will give you a soft squeeze bottle to go to the bathroom. TAKE IT HOME WITH YOU. They throw them away. They are for you. YOU NEED IT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM FOR A VAGINAL BIRTH! DO NOT FORGET IT AT THE HOSPITAL.
It’s going to hurt to go to the bathroom.
It’s going to feel like you have been winded when you sit on the toilet and turn to wipe your arse. I assume the belly is empty and sore. It’s a weird sensation, not so much painful, but it will be like you got the wind knocked out of you.
You can have “lochy” or your period for up to 6 weeks afterwards. Don’t worry, it’s probably more like 2 weeks. It’s like a heavy period.
You can handle it.
You are going to look 6 months pregnant the day after you deliver. Do NOT panic. It takes 6 weeks for your uterus to shrink back to it’s original size of a pear.
If you have any intervenes, it’s going to pool in your ankles and feet. Do NOT panic, it naturally leaves your body within a week. IT’s creepy and weird. My ankles were the size of tree trunks. I debated taking a picture but they creeped me out too much, I regret not taking the picture now for reference.
· Bringing Home Baby and You:
DO NOT WORRY. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Instinct is with you, your foremothers have done this for millions of years. It’s pretty simple: Feed baby. Burp Baby. Change Baby. Try to get them to sleep. It’s simple in theory, but it’s a lot of work, but YOU CAN DO IT!!!
DO NOT WORRY. YOU WILL SLEEP AGAIN SOME DAY. PROBABLY SOONER RATHER THEN LATER.
If people offer to help, TAKE IT!!! My Mom came over vacuumed, took the dog for walks, washed dishes, folded laundry, cooked, and took care of babies, etc. I couldn’t have done it without her. Keep the positive people around you. There is NO SHAME IN ASKING FOR/TAKING HELP.
Visitors: You will have loads of people who want to meet your precious bundle of joy. Devise a schedule. I highly recommend you leave at least one full day a week for you and your significant other. It’s great to show off your baby, but you need time to be a family. We chose Sundays. Sundays, no visitors. Our midwife suggested to us that if anyone wanted to visit have them bring you a meal. I wasn’t brave enough to ask that of people but it was a great idea. My Mom cooked tons of stuff for us and filled our freezer for us. HUGE HELP!!!
Ask family and friends NOT to just drop by. Schedule visits. TRUST ME, it’s easier this way. Plus shame on them if they feel they can just drop in on someone with a brand new baby.
If you have pets. I know it’s hard, but try to schedule a bit of time each day to spend with them. They don’t understand. The advice we got was don’t just spend time with them when the baby leaves the room, as you don’t want them to think they only get the good stuff (you) when the baby is not around. Try to be patient. They just want to be part of the pack.
TURN THE RINGER OFF ON YOUR PHONE. You don’t want that thing waking up a baby. Or if you are trying to soothe a crying baby, nothing is more irritating then a ringing phone. Especially if it’s a telemarketer. Or your trying to sleep, you don’t want to talk to a duct cleaner. My voicemail tells people that "my ringer is off, that everyone is doing great, but as you can imagine we are very busy and we will get back to you when we can".
Colic. It sucks. Ask your doctor to use Ovol drops. They are lifesavers. Also get the swing! Don’t worry, they usually grow out of Colic by the time they hit four months. My daughter had it for just over a month. It’s really hard to see your baby cry and you can’t help them. Get the Ovol drops and the swing and it’s the best you can do to help them.
Diapers. Have lots on hand. ALWAYS MOVE QUICKLY. Have the new diaper open and ready to go before you open the old one. When you change a boy, if you see his little wenis start to stand up, he’s going to pee. It happens quickly so cover it up quick to prevent getting peed on. When you change a girl, they can still pee on you. Always move quick. For girls, make sure to wipe from FRONT TO BACK EACH TIME.
About week 5, I was so damned exhausted. Sleep was a distant memory, and I was a zombie. I was just about to cry about how tired I was when I saw it. MY DAUGHTER SMILED AT ME. And it all the exhaustion vanished. It is all worth it. I know it all sounds clichéd, but IT’s TRUE!!! That little person is going to smile at you cause you’re their Mom. Because they know all of that hard work you did was for them. They are small and helpless and need you. That’s their appreciation, because they know you and they love you. And it will be the greatest moment of your life. (Then they laugh at 3 months, and that will become you greatest moment) It will all be worth it.
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