Current List of Pet Peeves

This morning marks my first day off on sick leave/pregnancy leave/parental leave.  I am sitting in bed on “light bed rest”, my sore hips and interrupted sleep has me a smidgen grumpy today.  Wallowing in my grumpiness, I started thinking about my pet peeves, and it seemed to irritate me more.  Then I figured I should shake that grumpiness, and the best way I thought was to write out my pet peeves as writing is cathartic.  Take a gander and see if you make it on my annoying list, lol.

1.        Happy Hump day!  I am not referring to the camel.  I actually laugh at the camel on the commercial.  I had a particularly annoying person in my life who felt the need to wish me a Happy Hump Day every Wednesday.  Long before the camel.  As this person is annoying in general, to know to anticipate a “Happy Hump Day” encounter every Wednesday would drive me nuts. 

2.       Being called “Kiddo” by someone seven years older than me.  Especially when I said to them, stop calling me kiddo.  So I started referring to this individual as “old bag” to their face.  This surprisingly didn’t stop them from calling me “kiddo” it did however make me feel a lot better.  (I never said I was mature.)

3.       Canadians who are excited to turn 21.  WTF, we aren’t American.  You can vote at 18 and drink at 19.  Turning 21 here is no big deal.

4.       When a person says “oh she’s ethnic.” Like it’s a bad thing.  Everyone has an ethnic background, pick up a dictionary you ignoramus. 

5.       People who shorten words.  (People's names are ok.)  When I was in high school, there was a market across the road from my school called “Harvest Barn” I would hear people call it the “barn” and I would cringe.  It’s one extra word.  The worst was hearing someone say they were going to “Harv”.  Someone in my life refers to my dog as “Miss. M” Say the dog’s name, its five letters you lazy cunt.

6.       When people squeeze the toothpaste from the centre of the tube.  More specifically when they squeeze the centre and from the edges.  Squeeze from the bottom!  Why is it I always end up with a roommate who squeezes from the middle?!?!

7.       If you ask me the same question 15 times.  I don’t mind people asking questions.  I give about three or four attempts.  Maybe you legitimately forgot, or you didn’t hear the first time.  Fair enough.  But 15 times you are just stupid and I should be allowed to hit you in the head with a stapler.

8.       A countdown.  Or I should say, someone who insists on doing a countdown to my event.  I don’t mind doing my own countdown, but having someone message me daily saying “four months and 6 days till you get married!”  Fuck off, I am excited, but this is my event.  I don’t need a daily reminder.  (I already have one in my head.)  This pet peeve probably stems more from the obnoxious individual, however they made me hate countdowns.

9.       Gum snapping.

10.   People who touch my belly.  (Sorry, I was trying to keep is pregnancy free, but this is a huge pet peeve.)  At least ask beforehand.  And if I gave you permission once, that’s not a free pass forever.  And you better be a friend or a family member, not an acquaintance or a stranger.

11.   Sour cream that expires before we even get a chance to open it, or we used one scoop.  Can’t they make that shit with a longer shelf life?

12.   When I am dead tired and my hands think it’s funny to drop supper on the floor.  This happens far more then it should, and no I do not have the pregnant dropsies.  I drop shit all the time, pregnant or non-pregnant.

13.   When acquaintances make assumptions about me.  Just after I got married, I had a friend come to me and said they heard I was trying to get pregnant.  I was like no, our game plan is to be married a few years to each other beforehand, it always was and that’s what we did.  I asked who she heard this from, the person she named I never talk to.  So I was surprised that this person “knew” so much about my personal life.  Lol.  They were dead wrong.  The sad thing was, my friend seemed sad I hadn’t shared this with her.  I hadn’t shared because it wasn’t the plan at all. 

           Funny spin on this pet peeve, years ago an acquaintance of my Dad’s was telling people that my Dad had died (he’s still alive and kicking today!) So my Dad would be out about and old friends and acquaintances were always coming up to him exclaiming “Oh my god, I heard you were dead!”  My Dad thought it was funny, but geez, get your facts right before you start spreading shit.

14.   When someone lines up behind you at the grocery store with one item and looks at your full buggy.  Go get in the express line.  Don’t expect me to let you jump in front of me, especially if I have already been standing here for ten minutes.

15.   Don’t walk up to a grocery line and start huffing and puffing about the length of the line.  I have already been standing here five minutes and I am keeping quiet.  You’re just making me more annoyed and you may get a canned good thrown at your head.

16.  Shit rubs in toilets.  Be courteous and look back in the toilet when you are done, throw an extra handful of toilet paper in and flush again.  No one wants to see that.  Especially in a public rest room you damned pig.  And if you pee on the seat, wipe the pee off.  Women are disgusting in public rest rooms.  Also, if you have a super loose deuce, flush those shit flakes left behind.  No one wants to see those either.