My Feminist Rant About My Irrational Anger Towards Disney Princesses

I have put it out to our families, that my daughter does not get any princess toys where the princess needed to be rescued by a man or change herself for a man.  And DO NOT call my daughter a princess.  God, that makes me cringe.  I tarred all the Dinsey princesses, except Belle (she saves the beast and heroically trades herself for her Dad), Elsa and Anna (sisters were true love’s kiss), with the same brush.  Snow White, you are a moron.  Cinderella, you annoy me.  Ariel, YOU CHANGED WHO YOU ARE TO MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU, everything you stand for I hate and you make me irrationally angry.  Screw the Disney Princesses!  The Paper Bag Princess will be my daughter’s hero!  While on a rant of how much these Disney princesses make me angry, my Mom pointed out, it’s not a bad thing to be rescued.  Perspective.  Ok, Snow White, it is not your fault that witch poisoned you and you needed to be kissed to wake up, you shall pass, but emphasis on being rescued, not necessarily by a man.  You also get points for your retro aspect.  Cinderella, the more I thought about it, you are rescued by the fairy godmothers, ok, and you too shall pass.  Shame on me for judging.  ARIEL DOES NOT GET A PASS AS YOU ARE A MORON, yeah I know I am judging but too bad, Ariel is a twit. 

I have always been a feminist.  I used to view that word as a dirty word as television always seems to mock it to the point I didn’t want to be called a feminist.  I used to proudly boast I am an equalitist.  The same thing.   Now I proudly boast I am a feminist.  I want my son and daughter to be feminists too, equalitists.  Strong like Belle not morons like Ariel. 

I want to raise my daughter to be a strong woman.  I tell her every day she is so smart, before or after I tell her how beautiful she it.  I had read an article while I was pregnant on how people compliment young girls for their looks.  “Look how cute you are.  What pretty hair you have.  Look at how pretty your dress is.”   Boys get to be told they are smart, but everyone goes straight to a physical attribute to compliment a little girl.  I liked that article.  My second week of motherhood, I caught myself telling my newborn son how smart he is and my newborn daughter how beautiful she is.  The article came to mind as soon as the words left my tongue, leaving a bad taste in my mouth.  I now make a conscience effort to tell my daughter how smart and beautiful she is.  I was torn telling her how beautiful she is, as she shouldn’t find her self worth lies in her looks, but she is so darned beautiful I can’t help but tell her. I also tell my son how handsome and smart he is. 

As I said earlier, I want my son to be a feminist too.  I want my son to grow up to be a strong man.  A man who respects women.  A man who treats everyone, regardless of gender, race, sexual preference, age, religion, appearance, the size of their bank account with the same respect.  I want to raise my daughter to also respect those around her regardless of their gender, race, sexual preference, age, religion, appearance and the size of their bank account.  I want them to walk into work and greet the janitor the same way they greet the CEOs.  I want them to be themselves and not put on a show for anyone.  We in turn will love them for who they are and whatever their life’s choices may be, as long as they aren’t assholes.   I may be idealistic, but too bad, I am going to raise nice kids who treat people equally.  Unless you are moronic mermaid who wants to change yourself to be someone you are not.    

Return to my Job Working OUTSIDE of my House

I'm baaaaaccckkkk!   As I have a proper lunch break again, I find  myself with a bit of time to myself.  I always enjoy writing as a way to clear my head.  Not sure if people care to read the ramblings of a crazy woman, but here they are :

My babies turned one this past week, I can not fathom how fast the time has flown.  People warned me that time would fly, and I would just say, oh I am sure.  But I had no concept how fast time actually flew.  I am so excited to see how far the twins have come in a year.  I was excited/sad/nervous anticipating leaving them and returning to my job (hence the proper lunch break now).  As it turned out, I worried for the most part for nothing, as my little family survived our first week with me back to work (ing outside the house.  Cause let me tell you, no job can compare to the work a baby causes INSIDE the house.  One should NEVER, EVER scoff at a stay at home parent.  One has no idea how much work a child causes unless you are there 24 hours a day with them.  Sorry, that was a rant I have been saving up for a while, I digress…) 

Both kids picked up the nasty cold/flu bug going around, so they were tired and felt like crap so they may not have noticed me even being gone in the first place.  Work around the house has come to a stand still with exception of course to immediate care of the children.   My husband beats me home and is with the kids about two hours before I get there.  When I walk in the door he has a meal warmed up that I prepared while I was still on mat leave.  We then bathe the kids, play with them for a bit, feed them a bottle and out they go for the night.  We then lay comatose on the couch, grunting sweet nothings at each other.  Once we get a few more weeks under our belts, I am sure we will have it down pat, but so far so good.  With the exception of Wednesday night, everything went seemingly well.  Ahhh Wednesday night when neither kid wanted to come to me, and I was sick, tired and felt like pooh and had a hard time grasping why my children wanted nothing to do with me for the first time in their lives.  That same night I got head butted in the ear and barfed on.  That was a shitty night.  Last night was much better as while they have terrible coughs still, they bounced all over me like a trampoline.  And they give hugs which is the greatest thing ever.  I don’t even have to ask, they just stop mid play, run over, hug me and run back to play.  All the warm mushy feelings right there. 

I am no expert, as I have only been at this a week, but I came up with a list of a few things I found helpful for the transition of me working outside the home a bit more easier:

• A few days prior to the return to work date, invite someone over to watch the kid(s).  Grandparents love this, as you are in the house for emergencies but they get free play reign while you take on tasks in other rooms.

• Give the house a good cleaning a day or two before you return to work date.  This way you can ease into balancing working at work and being a parent at the same time and not have to worry so much about cleanliness.

• I hope you have spent your mat leave trying to get used to a messy house, it ain’t going to magically get better, until I imagine your kids are old enough to enslave, I mean, help you with the mess. 

• Cook as much food in advance for dinners.  The freezer is my best friend.  I tried to cook one meal a day, that we would also eat for dinner that night, but cook enough for an army and freeze in individual meals servings.  A God Send I tell you.  I came home to a home cooked meal every night this week, and my husband just had to dump a container on a plate and pop in the microwave/oven while he entertained two one year olds.
•  
•  I am neurotic and I planned a one month dinner schedule.  This way there is no standing infront of the fridge hmming and haaing.  We know to pull out a meal the night before to thaw and if we don't feel like chilli that night, we switch it out for the next scheduled meal.  We are bad for "I don't know what to make, let's order out."  Far more cost efficient, and healthier to have it scheduled a head, and a lot less stress too.

• We have tried to buy clothing for the next few sizes for the kids.  Their next sized clothing is all ready to go: washed, folded and put away.  They may not need it for a few months, but I don’t have to do a massive cleanup job while juggling work and kids.

• We have the bad habit of waiting until all of the laundry is done to fold it.  Hey, we are busy, at least it’s clean.  However, folding six loads of laundry in one sitting really sucks balls, so we are trying really hard to keep on top of it. 

• I try to pick out my clothes and the kids’ clothes the night before, for the next day.  Mornings are chaotic.  The more we can do the night before we do.  I prepare some of their food and beverages for the next day and my own lunch the night before.  It’s easier for me as my husband leaves for work early, this means I am on single parent duty until I get out the front door, the more I can do the night before with the extra parent in the house, the better.

• Screw everything else when you get home.  Your kids are only young once, I want to soak up every moment I can with them.

Baby Hints: Before and After Delivery

Somehow, we ended up with five friends who are pregnant this year.  Something must be in the water!  (And the majority of them are friends from hockey, so be careful drinking/showering in the water at the arena! Lol)  Right before I delivered, I had a great friend write me out a helpful list of hints for a first time Mom.  She had delivered her gorgeous son six months before hand, so her information was current and very helpful.   I wanted to share a list of helpful hints I had received and that I learned along the way. 

First and foremost:  You will be inundated with “advice”, (ahem…. Like this blog post) my actual only piece of “advice” that I feel the need to tell EVERYONE is “DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.”  You can listen to people politely (or tell them to fuck off, this is the one time you probably get a free pass to do so as you are a hormonal pregnant woman/new mom, no one would fault you… or maybe they would, but meh, too bad for them, maybe they shouldn’t have been a douche) and then do what YOU feel is best.  You are the Mom (or Dad) and you know what is best.

Here is a (lengthy) list of what I hope are helpful hints:

·         Learning What to Do With Baby:

Sign up for any free class you can.  The Niagara Region has breast feeding courses, car seat courses and pre natal courses.  They are all Free. They are put on by public health nurses and provide you with the most up to date information.  DEFINITELY TAKE THE CAR SEAT COURSE!!! 

Taking advice from older family members can be helpful, but a lot of research has been done in the last twenty, thirty or forty years.  It doesn’t hurt to get up to date information put together by the Region’s doctors, dieticians and safety teams. 

Be leery of message boards and odd information sites, stick to reliable sources.  Government websites, What to Expect When Your Expecting.  But for the love of god, don’t read the messages boards.  There is some whacky shit posted out there.

·         Stuff for Baby:

It’s so much fun to shop for your baby.  I know it’s super hard, but wait until after your shower, as you will gets lots of stuff, and then you can see what you need to fill in where.  Every shower is different.  I have been to a few showers so far this year and it’s funny how every shower is different.  I didn’t receive a lot of clothing for bigger sizes, I was at a shower where the Mom to Be received TONS of outfits all different sizes.  I received tons of sleepers, and I was at a shower where the Mom to Be, didn’t receive any.  I received two toys, I was at a shower where the Mom to Be must have received 25 baby toys.  I don’t know why each one is different, but it’s fun, so wait to see what you get!    

My Mom and sisters threw my shower and asked instead of a greeting card for the guests to bring a copy of their favourite book as a card.  We now have a huge library of books, that WE LOVE as they were all personally picked for our kids.  I LOVE BOOKS.  I LOVE TO READ.  I can’t wait to pass that love on to my children. 

Ask whoever is throwing your shower to have the guests write out their mailing addresses on blank envelopes so it can save you time writing thank you cards. They can even use it for a game, such as drawing for door prizes.  When you are as big as a house, and have to pee every two seconds, and the swelling that has taken over your body creates carpal tunnel (yes, this can happen) this will be a lifesaver.

Take it easy on onesies.  You will get tons of them for gifts.  If you do buy some, I found I always need plain white onesies so the colour doesn’t show under an outfit. 

Have some newborn sleepers on hand. My babies were 7lbs 5 ounces and 7lbs 8 ounces.  They wore newborn sleepers for well over a month.  For some reason, at every baby shower I go to, there is some woman proclaiming why she refuses to buy newborn outfits that “they are only in them for a few weeks, they grown so fast.”  Yes.  BUT THE BABY NEEDS SOMETHING TO WEAR FOR THOSE FIRST FEW WEEKS. 

Check out second hand stores like “Once Upon a Child”.  They are dedicated to only baby and children’s clothes.  Don’t turn your nose up to second hand.  A LOT of the stuff is BRAND NEW.  Babies grow so fast, people buy gifts for the wrong age bracket for the wrong time of the year, etc. You can get some beautiful stuff.  I bought my mobiles there for $4.50 and they look brand new.  Babies can’t touch them so they don’t get gross or slobbered on.  Brand new, I couldn’t find a mobile for under $50. 

Stock up on diapers.  Research prices.

Sign up for ALL FREEBIES.  Even if you don’t plan on bottle feeding, it doesn’t hurt to get the formula.  You can donate it if you don’t use it.  Go toMRSJANUARY.COM (my favourite coupon guru) and click on baby freebies for a full list of all contacts.

Diaper Genie.  Get one.  If you have a two story house, get two.  GET A DIAPER GENIE.  (You can also buy them second hand.)  I REPEAT YOU NEED A DIAPER GENIE.  That shit stinks. Literally.  The diaper genie eats the odour, in it’s magical contraption.  You will not have time to run outside with every diaper to dump it in the garbage. If you have time to do that, you are super woman.  (Look on line for inexpensive ideas to use for the liners)

Get a Swing.  Trust me.  You need one. Buy it second hand.  If you can find an electric one, pounce on it.  They are next to impossible to find.  Go to Dollarama to buy batteries.  $1 for 2 D batteries.  Panasonic.  FAR CHEAPER and THEY LAST A LONG TIME. 

Some people don’t like the idea of a baby sleeping beside their bed.  We have our twins in bassinets beside our bed.  Huge positive, you don’t have to go far when you are dead tired in the middle of the night. 

Check out Ikea:  Ikea has GREAT prices for furniture, toys and baby STUFF.  I just bought the twins cat rattles, THAT THEY LOVE.  Hands down, best price on rattles that I have found.

Also check out Dollarama.  They sell Fisher Price toys!  Most importantly, those coloured ring chains that are so handy/safe to dangle toys from.

·         Getting the House and You Ready for Baby:

Wash all your baby clothes and organize by size.

Wash and sterilize bottles if you choose to use them.

I highly recommend a diaper change station on each level of the house.  Set them both up. 

If you have pets, ask your vet the best way to help them transition.  We started to introduce our dog to the stroller and car seat months in advance.  And we rearranged the house a head of time so it was less of an adjustment for them later on.  Cats and dogs both have feelings and will be weirded out.  It’s best to try and help them with the transition as best you can.  We played the sound of a baby crying.  We also had my parents introduce a baby blanket with the babies’ scent to our dog before we brought the babies home.

Cook some meals up a head of time. Do your grocery shopping.  Keep in mind foods that can be eaten with one hand and last a few months.  The healthier the better.  TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR FREEEZER.  Grocery Shopping on a whim won’t happen again for another 10 years.  Stock up! Think burgers, chicken burgers, wraps. Foods you can eat with one hand and hold a baby in the other.

Put a stash of granola bars and snacks by any place you may feed at.  By your bed, etc.  You may not plan to feed in bed, but when it’s 3 am, and you haven’t slept, there is a good chance you will bring that baby to your bed with you.  It’s important you stay fueled.

Stock up on feminine products.  (Pads. Not tampons.)

Set up personal hygiene spots at each bathroom.  Feminine products, changes of underwear, hemorrhoid cream, etc.  If you have multiple bathrooms, put this everywhere.  And have a tooth brush in every bathroom.  Trust me, if you are on one level, you don’t always have time to run to the upstairs to brush your teeth. 

Buy hemorrhoid cream.  You may be lucky and not need it.  But have it on hand in case you do.

When you pack for the hospital.  BRING YOUR OWN FEMINE PRODUCTS AND DIAPERS.  They only give you so many. 

Pack light weight pjs, you will be hot.  I was warned a head of time about the hot flashes you get, THEY AREN’T KIDDING!!!  They suggest and I did pack for 3 days, and most of the first day I wore a hospital gown.  Chances are, you are only there for one day, so don’t go crazy. 

PACK YOUR GRANNY PANTIES.  Trust me, you won’t be wearing sexy gitch for a good 6 weeks.  Don’t have any granny panties? Go buy some, you will need them. 

Decide a head of time who you want at the hospital and who you want to allow to visit. We limited visitors to immediate family.  Spread the word. 

·         In the Hospital:

Pick someone, probably your significant other who will stand up for you and vocalize your choices/wishes.  Brief them on what you want: silence, to kick out annoying family members, to push for the pain medicine, etc.

TAKE THE PAIN MEDICINE.  DON’T BE A HERO.  When they say giving birth hurts, they ain’t kidding!

Don’t be too afraid.  AS I ranted before, your mother and her mother and all their mothers before it have gone through it. You are amazing and YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Don’t worry about feelings of doubt.  I remember just before I pushed I was watching the nurses rush around and I was thinking “Oh my God.  What the hell am I doing?  I can’t do this.  WTF.  I can’t send them back.  What the hell business do I have bringing two babies into this world?!?!”  Those thoughts lasted about 2 minutes, then I had to get busy to pushing.  And you know what? I did it.  Right now I have kept two babies fed and alive for over four months.  I did it!

Ask the nurses for help.  That’s what they are there for.  If you get a bitchy nurse, just wait, another one will be along shortly.  (Tip: be syrupy nice.  A nice nurse who likes you will hook you up with freebies.)

If they give you extra diapers, feminine products, etc, TAKE THEM.  They will get you sexy net underwear and the biggest maxi pad known to women.  If they give you extra, take them!  They have one time use feminine products that have built in ice packs, if you get a nice nurse, ASK FOR EXTRA!!!  IF they leave anything in the room, take it with you.  They throw anything unused out. It’s considered contaminated.  Diapers, formula, personal hygiene products, TAKE THEM HOME!!!

They will give you a soft squeeze bottle to go to the bathroom.  TAKE IT HOME WITH YOU.  They throw them away. They are for you.  YOU NEED IT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM FOR A VAGINAL BIRTH!  DO NOT FORGET IT AT THE HOSPITAL.

It’s going to hurt to go to the bathroom. 

It’s going to feel like you have been winded when you sit on the toilet and turn to wipe your arse.  I assume the belly is empty and sore.  It’s a weird sensation, not so much painful, but it will be like you got the wind knocked out of you.

You can have “lochy” or your period for up to 6 weeks afterwards.  Don’t worry, it’s probably more like 2 weeks.  It’s like a heavy period. 

You can handle it. 

You are going to look 6 months pregnant the day after you deliver.  Do NOT panic.  It takes 6 weeks for your uterus to shrink back to it’s original size of a pear.

If you have any intervenes, it’s going to pool in your ankles and feet.  Do NOT panic, it naturally leaves your body within a week.  IT’s creepy and weird. My ankles were the size of tree trunks.  I debated taking a picture but they creeped me out too much, I regret not taking the picture now for reference.

·         Bringing Home Baby and You:

DO NOT WORRY.  YOU CAN DO THIS!!!  Instinct is with you, your foremothers have done this for millions of years.  It’s pretty simple:  Feed baby. Burp Baby.  Change Baby.  Try to get them to sleep.  It’s simple in theory, but it’s a lot of work, but YOU CAN DO IT!!!

DO NOT WORRY.  YOU WILL SLEEP AGAIN SOME DAY.  PROBABLY SOONER RATHER THEN LATER.

If people offer to help, TAKE IT!!! My Mom came over vacuumed, took the dog for walks, washed dishes, folded laundry, cooked, and took care of babies, etc.  I couldn’t have done it without her.  Keep the positive people around you.  There is NO SHAME IN ASKING FOR/TAKING HELP.

Visitors:  You will have loads of people who want to meet your precious bundle of joy.  Devise a schedule. I highly recommend you leave at least one full day a week for you and your significant other.  It’s great to show off your baby, but you need time to be a family.  We chose Sundays.  Sundays, no visitors. Our midwife suggested to us that if anyone wanted to visit have them bring you a meal.  I wasn’t brave enough to ask that of people but it was a great idea.  My Mom cooked tons of stuff for us and filled our freezer for us.  HUGE HELP!!!

Ask family and friends NOT to just drop by.  Schedule visits.  TRUST ME, it’s easier this way.  Plus shame on them if they feel they can just drop in on someone with a brand new baby.

If you have pets.  I know it’s hard, but try to schedule a bit of time each day to spend with them.  They don’t understand.  The advice we got was don’t just spend time with them when the baby leaves the room, as you don’t want them to think they only get the good stuff (you) when the baby is not around.  Try to be patient.  They just want to be part of the pack. 

TURN THE RINGER OFF ON YOUR PHONE.  You don’t want that thing waking up a baby.  Or if you are trying to soothe a crying baby, nothing is more irritating then a ringing phone. Especially if it’s a telemarketer.  Or your trying to sleep, you don’t want to talk to a duct cleaner.  My voicemail tells people that "my ringer is off, that everyone is doing great, but as you can imagine we are very busy and we will get back to you when we can". 

Colic.  It sucks.  Ask your doctor to use Ovol drops.  They are lifesavers.  Also get the swing!  Don’t worry, they usually grow out of Colic by the time they hit four months.  My daughter had it for just over a month.  It’s really hard to see your baby cry and you can’t help them. Get the Ovol drops and the swing and it’s the best you can do to help them.

Diapers.  Have lots on hand.  ALWAYS MOVE QUICKLY.  Have the new diaper open and ready to go before you open the old one.  When you change a boy, if you see his little wenis start to stand up, he’s going to pee.  It happens quickly so cover it up quick to prevent getting peed on.  When you change a girl, they can still pee on you.  Always move quick.  For girls, make sure to wipe from FRONT TO BACK EACH TIME.

About week 5, I was so damned exhausted.  Sleep was a distant memory, and I was a zombie.  I was just about to cry about how tired I was when I saw it.  MY DAUGHTER SMILED AT ME.  And it all the exhaustion vanished. It is all worth it.  I know it all sounds clichéd, but IT’s TRUE!!!  That little person is going to smile at you cause you’re their Mom. Because they know all of that hard work you did was for them.  They are small and helpless and need you.  That’s their appreciation, because they know you and they love you.  And it will be the greatest moment of your life.  (Then they laugh at 3 months, and that will become you greatest moment)  It will all be worth it.

Making April my Bitch

Making April my Bitch

The month of March I decided to actively make healthier food choices. Smart food choices (I refuse to say "diet" as it's a lifestyle change) resulted in a 7 pound loss.  For April, I had decided to kick it up a notch and start working out actively again.  The idea was to use Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred when I could or take the babies for a long walk.  I did the 30 Day Shred then switched to Ripped in 30, for a total of 8 times and walked with the babies 6 times for more then two hours at a time.  We had some shorter walks too.  

I hadn't actively worked out since before I was pregnant.  I wish I worked out during my pregnancy.  The first trimester I was absurdly exhausted.  I would sleep in my car at lunch.  Come home from work and fall asleep immediately after dinner.  I know, excuses, but I felt I couldn't function.  Second trimester I had preformus issues and couldn't move.  Third trimester I was as big as a house.  Have you ever seen a woman pregnant with twins? I was ginormous.  I hate to use excuses but I swear I feel they were super legit excuses!

Now, I have no excuses.  I could say having 3.5 month old twins are an excuse, but that's a sham.  "If it's important to you, you'll find away.  If it's not, you'll find an excuse."  I want to be a healthy example for them.  I try to work out while they are napping.  But if they wake up, they are at the awesome stage where they are smiling and starting to laugh and they find my jumping and stumbling about very humerous.  It's win win really: I keep them entertained while I become a healthy example for them.  Not going to lie, I have had to pause my workout DVDs a few times to do a surprise feeding, but got right back to it.

April I was ok with my food choices.  I made veggies a priority. I allowed a few treats, mostly planned so I wouldn't beat myself up over it.  I lost 5 pounds in April. It could have been more but truthfully, I had a couple of days where I overindulged a bit more then I should have.  Hey, I'm human.  For instance, yesterday, when I ate everything in sight. Mostly crap food to boot.  Bah. And the sad thing was it didn't taste as good as I hoped, I don't like regretting treats and I try not to.  But yesterday's cheat meal became a whole cheat day and it wasn't worth it.  You think I would learn that by now, but alas, today is a new day so back at it I go!

As a reminder to myself my reasons for getting my arse moving:

1. My babies.  To be a healthy example for them.

2. My babies.  To be here to watch them grow up.

3.  My sister's wedding in September.  I refuse to be the "fat" sister walking down the aisle.  I was sometimes referred to as such.  (Never my family, but acquaintances and such).  I was not comfortable in my own skin at my own wedding, I don't like feeling that way.  I am going to feel good about myself at my sister's wedding.

4.  For myself. Because, like the Clariol commercial, "I'm worth it."

May starts tomorrow, and I plan on kicking asses and taking names.

Making May my Bitch.

Thrifty Tip: There are a bunch of Jillian Michael's workouts for free on YouTube.com.  I believe week one and week three from Ripped in 30 plus other workouts.  Check them out, she will kick your ass.  (Or if you want the full DVD, check out amazon.ca, they always sell her DVDs for under $10.  I love/hate her.  She designs her workouts to be about 30 minutes in length in what she calls 3-2-1 circuits. Three circuits of 3 minutes of strength, 2 minutes of cardio and 1 minute of abs.  If you're one of those people who claim they "get bored with workout DVDs" she was a billion different workouts, there's no way you'll get bored, just change them up.  Cheaper then a gym membership!

Our Twins: The Delivery

Today marks my babies 11^th week outside of my belly.  I have wanted to tell their delivery story since it happened and I finally had some time to sit down and type this story out.  In some regards, I feel like a petulant child and have to say some of what we experienced was “Not Fair”.  While we are grateful for two beautiful, healthy children, they had to go through a lot of unnecessary issues, and for my husband, myself and our families, a lot of unnecessary heart ache.  Here’s our story:

First I should share some back story:  Our region recently restructured the maternity wards in the all of the hospitals in our area, routing all deliveries to our neighbouring city’s hospital, The General.  This sucked as our local hospital, the Greater, is literally down the road from us.  So we went from getting to our local hospital in 2 minutes to driving 20, I know it’s not a lot but I didn’t want to go to the General.  I had (and now have even more) a lot of distrust for the General as they nearly killed my Dad years ago and as far as I am concerned are responsible for another of my loved one’s deaths.  For this sole reason, I chose to use a midwife.  The midwives have hospital privileges so I chose to deliver in the hospital.  Then we found out we were having twins, and we were bumped to be considered a “Risk 2”. The region dictates that we are no longer allowed to have the midwives deliver us alone, we had to have shared care with an obstetrician.  And you are at the mercy of the obstetrician that is on call the day you deliver, so whatever obstetrician you choose to see you during your pregnancy is not guaranteed to be the one at your delivery.  I also had to deliver in an operating room, as twins are very susceptible to being delivered by emergency c-section. 

Early on in my pregnancy, one of the midwives was concerned with my blood pressure, I did not have high blood pressure yet, I was at the higher end of normal, and she said I “didn’t have a lot of wiggle room.”  Pregnancy can elevate blood pressure, especially if you are pregnant with twins.  It’s a lot of extra strain on your body.  By the time I hit my third trimester, the midwife had been correct, I was getting high readings.

The midwife and my obstetrician, on three separate occasions, had gotten such high readings they sent me to the hospital to have a NonStress Test, to make sure the babies and my liver were ok, (this is done by running blood work to check my liver enzymes).  High blood pressure can lead to Preeclampsia (Downton Abbey fans, that’s what Sybil had) which can cause liver failure.  If developed, the only way to stop preeclampsia is by getting the placenta out of the pregnant woman, so you have to deliver.  Twins have a higher risk of preeclampsia as there are two placentas.  All three times I was sent to the hospital, my blood pressure lowered itself by the time I was checked at the hospital.  Two of those occasions, the same rude obstetrician on call sent me home, refusing to run my blood work to see what my liver enzymes were doing. He told me I don’t have high blood pressure and demanded I pass on a rude message to my own obstetrician, (apparently they can’t all play in the school yard together)  The other time, I had a nice obstetrician who ran the blood work.

The Tuesday, three days before I delivered, (I was 38 weeks and 2 days at the time) I had a midwife appointment and my blood pressure was very high. They sent me for my third Non Stress Test (NST).  I had the rude obstetrician, who insinuated I was wasting his time and I was sent home.  That night I had horrific pain in my upper abdomen that at the time I thought was really bad heartburn.  (Common for preeclampsia patients to think they are having heartburn)  I ate tums all night and all day Wednesday.  Wednesday I started getting sick to my stomach and was sick all night long.  By 5am Thursday, (now at 38 weeks and 4 days) I said to my husband, I think I should call the midwives as I don’t think it’s good I have been barfing all night.  The midwives agreed, it wasn’t good, so they asked us to meet them at the hospital for my fourth NST. 

The midwives can’t order bloodwork in the hospital, so they got the obstetrician on call, a nice one, thank God, and he agreed to order the bloodwork.  My husband and I figured we were going to be sent home again, so it was a bit of a shock when the midwife came in and said, “Your liver enzymes are way too high, we have to induce you, today.”  It’s funny as you prepare 9 months for this moment and it still came as a shock. Luckily, I had been driving around with my delivery bag packed since November. 

We were finally induced at 5pm that day.  Let me tell you, I took the morphine and the epidural.  My obstetrician told me that if the second twin turns himself when the first twin is born, the doctor will have to stick his hand up inside me and flip the baby, and they don’t do it without an epidural so it was in my best interest to have the epidural.  Let me tell you, they aren’t kidding when they say labour pains hurt. Turns out, my body doesn’t take morphine and it didn’t take the epidural. So I was not frozen, I could feel the bags of ice they used to test this.  I felt all of the labour pain.  At one point I begged my husband to take me home.  I was 10cms dilated and the obstetrician on call made me wait 2.5 hours, I was told to hold them in.  I was not allowed to deliver with the midwives in the delivery room, I had to wait for the obstetrician for the operation room.  The obstetrician had three emergency c-sections and an emergency D&C to perform, so I had to wait.  At this time I was whining to the student midwife and husband that it wasn’t fair. 

Finally, on Friday morning, at 3 am, we were brought to the operating room.  (I had now been up for almost 64 hours) Our daughter was born at 3:15 am Friday, January 17.  (7lbs and 5 ounces, Yes, I know, a full sized baby) Then my contractions stopped.  My Oxytocin IV had run out, Oxytocin brings on contractions.  NO ONE WOULD GO GET MORE.  THEY ALL JUST STOOD AROUND SAYING, WE REALLY SHOULD HAVE MORE OXYTOCIN.  We sat there for an hour and fifteen minutes waiting for my contractions to come back, YOU CAN’T PUSH WITHOUT CONTRACATIONS, waiting to push my son out.

The nurses, the midwives and the obstetrician on call all stood around in the operating room waiting. My husband and I didn’t know that wasn’t normal. We hadn’t done this before.  It was the midwife who had the idea of getting my brand new baby daughter and having her breast feed.  Breast feeding releases natural Oxytocin.  When my baby girl breast fed, I had two giant contractions and I was able to push our son out.  I was told that once the baby gets under the pelvic bone, they can no longer perform a c-section, the only way out is vaginally.  When my son was born he was put on my stomach.  I am no expert, but I have seen enough baby birth videos to know, not to panic if they don’t cry right away, however, he didn’t cry and he was blue and floppy.  We found out afterwards he had an Apgar Score of 1/10.  Our daughter was 7/10. It’s based on if the baby is breathing, has a heart rate, crying, and muscle tone.  OUR SON HAD NEXT TO NO LIFE.  They whisked him quickly to the room next to the operating room, it had windows so we could kind of see.  They had to resuscitate him.  Within minutes we heard him crying in the next room. (7lbs and 8 ounces, Yes, I know, TWO full sized babies, nearly 15, FIFTEEN pounds of babies) They allowed my husband to see him.  The only thing I saw of my son as that stage was he had a full head of black hair, I still hadn’t seen his face.  The midwife came to me and said they are taking him to the special care nursery as his blood pressure had dropped during delivery and that I could see him shortly. 

Later, my own obstetrician said to me, why didn’t they go get more Oxytocin? I said I don’t know, you tell me.  They told us they had run out of Oxytocin in the operating room.  My obstetrician said why didn’t they call for more?  I said, I don’t know.  He asked, why they didn’t give you a shot of Pitocin, it would have done the same thing?  I said I have no idea, I’m not a doctor. 

One thing to clear up, for some reason I keep having people tell me that “they should have done a c-section back at Christmas”  My babies were very healthy.  They don’t take babies early unless there is a problem with the babies.  The best incubator for a baby is it’s mother’s uterus.  The only reason I was induced was the liver enzymes went high the last two days of my pregnancy.

My husband, my daughter and I were brought back to our hospital room.  We had a pediatrician come in to see us and told us our son not only did our son’s heart rate drop, he had lost oxygen during delivery and they had to monitor him longer in Special Care.  I got to officially meet my son soon a couple of hours later.  He looks like his Daddy.  Our daughter looks like me.  We had our first family photo taken with my IV pole and our sons IV pole flanking us. 

The next morning, at 6am, there was a knock at my hospital room door.  There was my midwife and another pediatrician.  The pediatrician informed me that my son, who was still in the Special Care nursery, had started having seizures at about 2:30am. 

Due to his loss of oxygen at some point during delivery, we found out that my son had swelling of the brain, which caused the seizures.  ITS NOT FAIR, HE SHOULDN’T HAVE LOST OXYGEN. Had the delivery team gotten more Oxytocin to bring on my contractions again, he would have been born faster. HE SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO GO TO SPECIAL CARE.  HE SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD SEIZURES.  ITS NOT FAIR TO WATCH YOUR BRAND NEW BABY BOY STRUGGLE AND HAVE LIMITED ACCESS TO TOUCH HIM.  They tried to control the seizures at the General Hospital but they decided that it was better to transfer our son to the Childeren’s Hospital for a more specialized care.  We sat with our son the whole day and into the night as they waited to make this decision.  When the decision was made, they called in the transport team to pick him up.  At around 1am Sunday morning, the transport team arrived and loaded our son into a glass box attached to numerous tanks and wires.  IT’s NOT FAIR THAT THAT WAS HIS FIRST CAR RIDE.  His first car ride should have been coming home with his Mom, Dad and sister. 

My daughter and I were discharged later that morning.  My husband, daughter and I hoped into the car and headed to the Children’s Hospital.  My son spent a full week in the Children’s Hospital.  His seizures stopped, but he had to go through lots of testing to see what had caused the seizures for certain and any long term effects.  They could see his brain had swelling.  They won’t know until he is older if there is damage or the extent.  THAT IS NOT FAIR.  ITS NOT FAIR TO HIM.  HES JUST A SWEET INNOCENT LITTLE BABY. 

There was a chapter in the twin book I had read and it talks about having to deal with babies in NICU.  To have both twins in NICU, to take one baby home and leave one behind.  To have to wait for permission to hold your child.  To have someone else taking care of your child.  The guilt, you may feel.  The helplessness you may feel.  I read the chapter during my pregnancy and thought that’s awful, I hope that doesn’t happen, AND IT DID. 

ITS NOT FAIR.  It sucks huge. 

I had often wondered, during my pregnancy, what I will do when both babies cry.  I didn’t think my first experience would happen where I was holding my son, who was hooked to a slew of wires and machines, and my daughter was crying just out of my reach.  (The nurses had been great and brought us a crib for our daughter to sit in our son’s cubicle so we didn’t have to leave her behind.)  The next time my being pulled between two children was when our son had diarrhea one day and he was put under quarantine.  Our daughter’s crib was moved to the hallway.  We had one child hooked to monitors and another child sitting in the hallway.  We could see her from where we sat.  THAT WASN’T FAIR.  IT WASN’T FAIR OUR SON HAD TO BE HOOKED TO ALL OF THOSE MONITORS.  IT ALSO WASN’T FAIR TO OUR DAUGHTER.  WE SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO BE SEPERATED.  WE SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO ROTATE WHO WE SAT WITH.  The week we were there was the coldest week.  OUR DAUGHTER SHOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO BE LUGGED IN AND OUT OF A HOSPITAL REPEATEDLY IN THE COLDEST WEATHER TO VISIT HER BROTHER.

That first Sunday, my husband, daughter and I had to leave the Children’s Hospital and drove the hour ride home.  Leaving our son.  We took our daughter’s photos as she entered the house.  HER BROTHER SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE TOO.  We had our first night at home without our son there.  HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.  The next night, the Children’s Hospital arranged for us to stay at Ronald McDonald House, which was a block from the hospital.  They were a God send.  Every morning you are supplied breakfast and every night a chef comes and cooks a full dinner, if you are there you can eat, if you miss out, you can have leftovers when you return.  We had a beautiful clean room. They gave us a beautiful quilt for both our children made by a volunteer.  They give quilts to the sick kids, as we had our daughter they gave her one too. They are beautiful quilts.  I can’t talk enough about how amazing Ronald McDonald House is and the staff and volunteers.  They were a relief to have a place to rest our heads and shower after sitting at the hospital all day. 

The nurses at the Children’s hospital were amazing.  Every day we went in, our son had a different nurse, except his last three days, we had the same sweet young nurse.  Every nurse was supportive and seemed to give us what we needed that day.  The first day I couldn’t even function and that nurse took care of all four of us.  The next day I needed a mental break and the nurse on call was quiet and sweet.  The next day everything was getting to me and the nurse on call was hilarious and had us laughing.  Then we had the sweet kind nurse.  If I couldn’t care for my own son, I knew he was in good hands.  BUT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN MINE.  The following Sunday, his seizures had long since stopped, he passed his car seat test and we were allowed to take our son and daughter home, TOGETHER. There had never been such sweeter words as you can all go home today. We brought our son home and took his photos as he came in his house for the first time with his sister.  A week late, but thankfully he’s home.  He’s doing really well and will follow up with the Children’s Hospital every three months until he is 18 months and then once a year.  Only time will tell if there is any lasting effects.  The human brain is an amazing thing.  It can regenerate cells. It may fix any damage on it’s own.  The part of his brain that had been swollen was his motor skill area but we were warned it may have touched his Cognitive thinking area.  He could potentially have learning disabilities when he grows up.  Or he may be perfectly fine, with no problems, only time will tell.  So far he is very bright, and alert and neck and neck with his sister for their three month developmental check list.  Thank God. 

Really, we were very lucky.  We were only in NICU for 8 days.  There are parents there for months, even years.  I was lucky as I did eventually bring home both of my babies, some parents don’t. I know how lucky we are.  I know how blessed we are.  It just sucks and it wasn’t fair.  You shouldn’t have to wait for a nurse to help you hold your son as he is so full of wires. Your first day as a parent, you shouldn’t have to worry if your baby is going to make it.   Your first week as a parent you shouldn’t have to sit and watch your baby struggle.  You shouldn’t be in a city an hour away from your home and support systems because your local hospital, who fucked up during delivery, was not equipped to care properly for the child they nearly killed.  IT’S NOT FAIR that the babies we looked so forward to have had to go through so much in their young lives already.

We never would have made it through this without the love and support of our amazing families and friends.  I wouldn’t have survived this with my husband, my constant rock and support.  What we went through should NEVER have happened, but I think it made us stronger as individuals and stronger as a couple.  Our beautiful babies were what kept us going, and now we look forward to our lives as the Fabulous Four.

Things Not To Warn Pregnant Women About

Throughout my entire pregnancy, people seem to be dying to tell me every worse case pregnancy/delivery/infant story possible.  I don't mind if it happened to the actual story teller, it's their experience and they may be traumatized and need to share it.  That I have NO problem with.  I am talking about the stories that someone "heard about their fourth cousin's Mom's Best Friend's Neighbour's husband's aunt."  I feel like it becomes an urban legend at that stage, but regardless, I know these things can happen to babies and Moms.  But why the need to tell me? I am a high anxiety individual, I don't need to hear any more worse case scenarios as chances are I have already worried about them and all these stories do is validate the fear in my head.  I truly think the people who share these stories are not intending to be malicious, and scare the crap out of me.  I think they are so over come with the story that feel they have to warn me about it.  Don't!!! If it sounds like an awful story DON'T TELL THE PREGNANT LADY!!!

Let's think of it this way:

Did this story happen to you? If yes then tell it. 

Did this story happen to a close family member or friend? If yes then maybe tell it.  Does it sound awful but is a valid concern? Maybe tell it.  

If this story did not happen to anyone above, DON'T tell it. 

If the story is so extreme that you have only heard it happen that one time DON'T tell it. 

I don't need to hear about babies dying, one legged babies, babies who were born with their legs fused together, babies born with a tail, I don't need to hear about babies dropped on the floor, babies who needed to be resuscitated, babies who suffocated in bed with their parents, suffocated next to their sibling, suffocated in general, babies born with extra sets of ears or any extra body part for that matter.  

(Also don't tell me my baby in my 3D ultra sound looks like he has an extra ear coming out of his forehead.  I will laugh and say you're an idiot and point out it's totally a shadow.  But then a couple of months later, when I am laying awake at 3am with angry uterus, it's going to pop into my mind "what if my baby has a third ear growing out of his forehead?" I am madly in love with this little guy already. A third ear won't make me love him any less.  In fact my Momma Bear instincts kick into over drive and I am like MY BABY WILL BE THE AWESOMEST BABY EVER AS HE HAS THE ABILITY TO GROW THREE EARS UNLIKE ALL OF THOSE BORING TWO EAR BABIES.   I digress...)

I definitely don't need to be told to "get your sleep in now" when I mention how I haven't slept all night.  I KNOW.  It's common sense I need sleep and TRUST ME I WANT TO SLEEP.  I would if I could.  

Don't tell me how your boyfriend's sister in law wore full makeup and jewellery to her delivery and how she only gained five pounds during her pregnancy.  You're full of shit.  

Don't ask me how much I have gained. I ain't telling you that.  All I can say is I am very close to what the doctor told me to gain, twins need the weight.  My goal was to make sure they weren't under weight.  Goal achieved! 

Here is my twin rant:

I am NOT having a singleton.  I have two babies.  Two big babies. I gained the extra weight as per my doctor's instructions.  Don't warn me to not eat too much. (Especially if you are just an acquaintance) I was instructed to gain weight.  My uterus is stretched to a 50ish week gestation.  Yes, singleton Moms will know to a degree what I am experiencing but my 15 pounds of babies is not the same as a singleton at 6 pounds.  All Moms experience pain, and when I am up all night with pain, don't dismiss it.  Please don't try to scare me about how much work it's going to be.  EVERYBODY TELLS ME THIS.  LOL.  STOP!!!  I can imagine singleton parents are thinking of how much work they had/have to do and are doubling it.  All of the multiple books say this is common, they say for multiple parents to look at it as you are already doing the task, you are just going to do a second baby as well.  Some of the tasks are doubled, some aren't. I don't think people are intentionally trying to scare me, they are just reliving what they have been through and thinking what if there had been two.  I know it's innocent but when EVERYBODY does it, it eats at my brain.  

Back to my regular pregnant rant:

Don't warn me about my cat and the babies.  I know.  I will be keeping them separate as much as possible.  I will not let my cat sleep in the crib.  I will not let my dog sleep in the crib either.  I will not shove my babies in my dog's face.  I will not leave my babies unattended with our pets.  I read the paper, I see the awful stories.  I am obviously going to be a parent to my fur less babies first, but I am going to be a good pet owner throughout.  I will take precautions so nothing awful happens.  

Don't tell pregnant women bad things!!!

Sex and Pregnancy

Believe it or not, I have had a few people ask me how does one logistically have sex while pregnant.  People don't seem to talk about it, so I figured what the hell?!

This is an accumulation of my readings, and my thoughts on what I have read, NOT what happens in my own bedroom.  I have to skirt around my personal experience as I don't think my husband will appreciate me sharing explicit details.  It's one thing when I talk of my own haemorrhoids, but I am sure he won't appreciate me talking on the interweb of what happens when we get down and dirty.   

For starters:  I can tell you that unless one is told not to have sex while pregnant due to a risk or concern, most pregnant women can safely have sex while pregnant.  One of the first things my family doctor told me when I went to him to confirm I was pregnant was "you can have sex while pregnant, just don't be swinging off the chandelier".  This made me laugh as he is a sweet, kind, old, British gentleman whom I have know my whole life.  

Some pregnant women might lose their sex drive, some might find a super increased sex drive.  Hormones!  No one can explain why or where you will fall. 

Your first trimester you may be way too sleepy and it could result in an "Observe and Report" Anna Faris scene where she is passed out and yelling "don't stop mutha fucka". Try it to see, could be comedy gold.  Your boobs have probably started expanding and they will inevitably hurt, so tread gently, sex may be a booby free act for a couple of months. 

Second trimester, if you are one of those who have an increased sex drive take advantage of your man as much as possible as your third trimester will come and you will at least FEEL like Shamu the whale.  If you have ginormous twins, you may very well LOOK like Shamu too.  This may make you feel self conscious, turn the lights out and enjoy, lol, why deprive yourself?  Plus your boobs have probably stopped hurting and you may be lucky to have a two to three cup increase.  Embrace it!

The bigger you get, the less adventurous you get to be.  Every pregnancy book gives you a list of positions that are "pregnancy safe".  (Safe as in comfortable and balance is considered)  Missionary is out, especially the bigger you get. Keep in mind, you will be super uncomfortable on your back as you may start to pass out.  I know this is big in S&M so if that's your thing then cool, if not, pick a different position.  Balance becomes a huge issue in your second and especially third trimester, so something else to consider.  It's often recommended doggy style, I am always surprised by this as joints can be swollen and sore and you may find there is a big balance issue, but to each their own.  You may be limited  to some side by side position or to girl on top while on the floor or in a bed.  You don't want to be the pregnant couple that ends up in the emergency room with a concussion from a unbalanced sex act.  (They will laugh ath you behind your back ). Sex in a car is going to be severely limited, unless you tackle it in the box of a pick up truck, this will be weather permitting of course.  

We were recommended and I bought my husband this hysterical book for men called "The Dudes' Guide to Pregnancy". It's actually full of facts but delivered in a hysterical "dude" way.  They liken sex with a pregnant woman as "a monkey humping a football, if that football has arms and legs".   I laughed until I thought I would pee myself.  Lol.  

Have you seen a very pregnant woman try to hug someone?  The pregger has to lean forward and sorta down, sticking her butt out the back to get her arms around the person she is trying to hug.   Sex will become very limited in how close you can physically get to your partner.  If you can't carry the laundry basket, you won't be able to get in for a very intimate position.  You may feel you have to wave and yell "hello!" to your partner.  

Oh and if your partner is worried about hitting his unborn child in the head, you have the attractively named "mucus plug" that acts as a barrier, the baby won't see a penis head coming at them.  The kid won't be like "WTF is that?!!?!"  It won't hurt the kid if you have sex either. Some babies can get more active after their mom has an orgasim or they can get sleepy and relaxed. If it gets weird thinking your kid is in the room, turn the light out so neither one of you see the belly.  

Rumour has it you can induce labour in your final weeks of pregnancy, so you may want to verify with your health care provider towards the end to see if you can continue to have sex.  

I hope that answers a few questions.  Lol.